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Monday, November 3, 2014

Best Day Of My Life

Last week in class we have been working on writing recounts about the best day of our lives. We have been doing these to practice for a writing test that we have this week. I think what I did well was that I added a lot of detail and reached my WALT. Some thing that I didn't do so well was that it took me quiet a while to write it.

WALT - use different sentence beginnings, lengths and types

Success Criteria - have you…

  • used different words to start your sentences?
  • included long and short sentences?
  • got simple, compound and complex sentences?
  • used questions?
  • tried to use dialogue?
  • changed boring words into exciting words?
  • used show don’t tell in your recount?
“Come on we got to hurry up and get inside” I shouted so eagerly. I rushed my sister, uncle, nan, and grandad right inside. “Remember grandad we’re in Rotorua” I whispered “I wish we could stay forever.”
“Yeah but we will always have to go back home” replied my grandad.  I was a bit scared to get in and go up the mountain.

I just faintly heard the lady at the counter say “the door will be open the whole way up.” I gasped for air before my breathing tubes closed.  Suddenly my family were loading in. I rushed to get a good seat.
“Don’t look down, don’t look down. In and out, in and out, in and out."I was panicking in my mind. My sister tapped me on the back.
“look Lu look.”
“WOW!! it’s such an amazing view there’s even dinosaurs down there” I shouted. I realised it wasn’t so scary once you got used to it. It was very beautiful. Finally we were at the top. I felt like I was going to fall. I think I got a little to used to being sloped up a mountain.

‘Green pedal for go red pedal for stop” explained the operator “Ready Set GO!!!!!” We all slammed our accelerators and took off seconds later we were out of sight. BANG! CRASH! thats all that you could hear.
“AAHHHHHHH Maia get out of the way” I shouted. Too late we collided so hard we unblocked the road and sent everyone flying. On both sides of me were crashes all the way down as far as you could see. “Aahhh It’s pitch black” I shouted in fear that I was about to crash. “Was this a tunnel” I was thinking in my head I didn’t know until I noticed a speck of light in the distance. There was hope that I wouldn’t crash and that I was right. That speck of light was the finish of the race. My sister was like my tail always behind me I blocked her.

“Woohoo! Haha I won, you lost haha. You can’t drive” I cheered. Although I won the race I was still sad that my adventure here was finished.

2 comments:

  1. Liona, I agree that you have added an great amount of detail to your story, it certainly makes it interesting for the reader! It is not really a bad thing that it took a long time to write, I think that only means you worked really hard on it to make it the best it can be! A great effort!

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    1. Thank You Miss Miss Newton and I also think that it isn't really a bad thing as well.

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